Rock's Story...Part 1

First, let me say that Rock's story is being told by me, Rock's wife and my perspective on what I have heard and learned from him the past 5 years we have know each other about his addiction to prescription drugs.  This is done with his permission.  Rock is drug free and has been for the past 7 years.

I will only be sharing his story and not his brother or sisters or even his parents story as they will need to come forth and share that when they are ready.

Second, I appreciate Rock's good friends who have shared their story, Jon & Janae Moss, to help give Rock and I the courage to tell our story so maybe through these stories and experiences others can find hope.  Somehow we feel like sharing our stories will help others and maybe help heal our broken hearts from losing Rock's brother Zack to prescription drug abuse last December. 
If this is all it does, help heal our hearts, helps other family members who are addicted and gives us a journal entry in our history/memory then so be it.  I pray though that SOMEDAY this will help someone else and bring HOPE to them.

Janae wrote: "Lots of people would bury their heads in the sand, but this will do nothing to solve the problem."  

I admit this is something I want to do...just bury my head and pretend like all is well but that will do nothing to solve the problems.

Rock's story will come in parts as it is long and I, his wife is still hearing the stories of his drug addiction.  You see he lost a lot of memory while in a coma due to overdosing on perscription drugs so little by little I have learned his story.  He only tells me when I ask questions.  Sometimes I will ask the same questions and little by little get more of the details. 
Rock spoke at a fireside with his family a few months ago and this was the first time I had heard some of the things he shared. 

Rock drank alcohol, smoked marijuana, & smoked cigerattes, pretty much through high school.  When he was 18 he hurt his back at work doing landscaping and someone gave him a perscription pill.  He remembered it made him feel good.  Not just his back better but it made him feel good.  I don't know how to explain "the feeling good" part.  This was his first experience with a perscription drug. 

A few years later he got in a snowmobiling accident and hurt his shoulder.  He had to have surgery and was perscribed pain medication.  Well, this led to his addiction to perscription drugs.  An accident led him to addiction.  He made the choice to abuse these drugs and find ways of getting more and more after his shoulder had healed, but abusing these drugs for some start with an injury and spins out of control for them.  Some it is other reasons like anxiety, depression, can't sleep, etc.  But for Rock it was an injury.

He got his drugs, oxy's, soma's, etc..I don't know all the drug names... through doctors faking injuries or through friends and other drug dealers.  He needed his pills to function.

I remember Rock's sister in law telling me recently about when the family was selling satellite dishes in Chico and Rock would tell her and his brother that he needed his pills before he could go out and sell.  He was ad omit he needed those pills.  I asked Rock about this after hearing the story and he told me it was true.  When he took those pills he felt invincible.  He didn't care what people thought about him and he didn't mind selling.  He just felt good from the high he was getting from the pills.  A few years later Rock was selling satellites again only this time he was clean.  He had a hard time.  Rock is not a sells person and he struggled getting through the day. 

He told me, "Using made me feel like everything was okay no matter what was going on around me.  The only problem, I was in bondage to a pill that was causing me to do things I would never do otherwise.  For a pill I would steal, lie, cheat, etc. Lower my values and what I knew was right to get these pills.  I needed them....my agency was gone!  Either I got the pill or else my body was going to go through HELL!

LDS Video Clip

Video about how the Atonement can help free you from addiction.

Families!

As I am writing this blog post I am listening to Zack's funeral program.  My heart is breaking and I am given courage again to keep this blog going despite all that is happening in our family right now.  Hopefully my future thoughts and stories from our family and other families will help someone heal and find HOPE!

As Zack's brother was reading from Zack's journal at his funeral I came to understand the bondage one has with drug addiction.  He had many goals that he wanted to fulfill but when asked why he didn't fulfill these dreams and change and let go of the bondage of addiction, Zack's respond was:

I'm scared of what is ahead and fear what can happen to me.

Prescription drug abuse left him feeling worthless and fearful of the good, happiness, and the things he could accomplish if he let go of his bondage that had a tight grip on him.  He had lived in this bondage for almost 16 years and didn't know how to let go. 

Elder Alan Webb spoke at Zack funeral and I would like to share some of his thoughts. 

- The Savior came to a family to teach him what he needed to know to fulfill his mission on earth.  The Savior came to humble, ordinary

young mother and father.

If the Savior had such an important and critical mission then why wasn't he send to another place; to a Rabi, to an educator, to a wealthy family?  No he was sent to a home that taught him everthing he needed to learn to fulfill his purpose on earth.  Heavenly Father sent him to a family that would help him fulfill his purpose.  We as humans can gain more education outside of our families for jobs, or other endevors, but the most important things we learn in this life happen in families that we are send to.  We learn how to deal with challenges in families...some of these challenges are physical, some are the form of a disease, mental difecncies, cancer, emotional challenges, etc.  Everyone has challenges of some form. 

All experienes we have to learn....challenges...aren't fair but the fact is whatever are challenges are it is a gift from a loving Heavenly Father who is here to us  gain the experiences we need.

Zack challenge was addiction that started in early adult. 

Heavenly Father knew what Zack's challenges would be and sent him to a family to help him and teach him all he needed to know. 

I know families are important and I am thankful for my family!

Bondage...

"There are no words to describe the bondage that comes with drugs. NONE.  The ropes that tie the user extend around all that love the victim.  It strangles bit by bit each day until your breathe is taken from you mentally...and physically."
(quote taken from www.pink-moss.com; author,Janae Moss)

Someday...Oh the heartache will go away....Someday!

Someday this blog will reach more people than it already does.

Someday this blog will hopefully help a family who needs help and will lead them to that help.

Someday doctors, government, parents, youth, educators, etc. will realize there is a problem with 400% increase in prescription drug deaths in Utah and that something needs to be done NOW!

Someday I will have a bigger voice, the time, the skills, and the means to make a difference.

Someday this dream of a foundation will come true.

Right now that someday is not today. 

The foundation has been put on hold.  I am sad about this and was excited at the possibility of helping other families so they would not have to go through what our family is going through.  To save them from the heartache, anger, frustration, misunderstanding, arguements, death, enabling, etc. that has happened in our family.  But due to all these emotions that have stemmed from years and years of drug abuse in our family we now have to deal with them to hopefully get this family together again.
That is why this foundation is on hold. 
We have to focus on letting go of past hurt,
grieve for our lost brother, son, uncle, and friend,
and mend broken relationships. 
This may take months and it may take years,

who knows. 

I want so badly to make a difference in the world, to save someone else from this, but right now I have to have patients and focus on my family.

I will continue to post blogs to this site and share information that I learn that might be a help to others who need that help.  My sister-in-law and I will be helping others in the community where we can with events.

I will also be sharing my husband's story as he is ready to share it with others and can remember most of it.

  (He lost a lot of memory functions with his overdose and coma)

These posts will be for our memory and hopefully to remember our journey through to where we are now to where we can get.

Thank you all for your support from those who have helped us. 

We love you all and please continue to visit this blog.

LDS Family Service Meetings!

My husband and his brother and wife attended a LDS Family Support Meetings last night for families and those addicted to drugs and alcohol.  My husband came back and said it was well worth attending. KUTV Story featured this program on their News last night.  Please check out the story and these meetings that are designed to help the addict and the family.

Family Support Meeting Continue....

Going to continue with some of my thoughts from the Family Support Meeting I attended a week ago.

Disclaimer:   Shanie the sister in law to Zack is writing these thoughts and are not necessarily shared by others who attended.

*Remember others in your family that are not addicted to prescription drugs.

An enabler often forgets about the non-addict family members.  Even though they are not addicts they still need to feel love and appreciated.

The sibblings, cousins, grandparents, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, etc. may be struggling with this idea that a family member or
multiple family members are addicted. 
They (the non-addict) have feelings that they need to express 
(such as anger, hurt, neglect, etc.)
and they need to feel validated for those feelings. 
They want to feel like you love and appreciate them. 
They may need help also.

Communication:  Express your anger, frustrations, etc.  I keep feelings pent up inside that need to be expressed.  So I am going to share my frustrations, anger, hurt, and neglect that I feel to my family members.

I know this blog does not reach a lot of people, but I hope and pray someday it does.  Trying to make something happen with limited resources can be very frustrating but I hope and pray this blog can help someone somewhere.